There is something rather paradoxical about the relationships between men and women in contemporary society. Since the 1960s, Western societies have made the mixing of the sexes the norm: in schools, universities, workplaces, leisure activities, and public spaces, men and women have never had so many opportunities to meet. Yet, a segment of today's youth seems perfectly capable of living without the opposite sex playing a central role in their daily lives.
This phenomenon is particularly evident among young men. They play sports and games together, travel together, spend hours on Discord or playing video games, build businesses, go out with friends, and—above all—sometimes forge friendships that are far stronger than one might imagine. And many of them are single.
This single status is not always experienced as a failure. For some, it is involuntary and painful; for others, it has simply become a normal phase of life, or even an opportunity to focus on themselves. Perhaps the most interesting question, then, is not why men "can no longer find women," but rather why men and women seem to be gradually learning to live more separate lives... Or perhaps women no longer really want to spend their lives with a man? We will look at that here.
◼ Being single does not necessarily mean being lonely
The traditional model was relatively straightforward: education, work, a relationship, marriage, and children. Today, that trajectory is no longer mandatory. A 25-year-old man can be single, work, travel, play sports, and go out with friends while considering his life perfectly normal.
Above all, it is important to distinguish between being single and being lonely. One can be single and have a rich social life, whereas someone in a relationship can be deeply isolated. Being single can even offer considerable freedom for a few years: more time, fewer constraints, and greater availability for friends, work, or personal passions. Of course, one shouldn't fall into the opposite trap of claiming that single men are automatically happier or more athletic; studies don't support that conclusion. However, for some men, being single can serve as a powerful catalyst for self-improvement, particularly regarding their physique. She isn't replying to your messages? Fair enough—there’s always a set of bench presses to help you blow off steam.
This phenomenon is particularly interesting in a society where physical appearance plays an increasingly important role. Weightlifting, running, and body transformation routines have become hugely popular among young men. While being single is obviously not the sole reason for this, it can provide an extra source of motivation: if I can't control who falls for me, I can at least try to become stronger, healthier, and more attractive.
Part of the current male unease lies elsewhere: in seduction itself. Many young men feel that the rules have changed, without anyone having truly explained the new rules to them. Isn't it annoying to see women asking for "deconstructed" men while secretly dreaming of a perfectly virile alpha male? Who can claim to be everything and its opposite?
It is obviously positive for a man to understand that a refusal must be respected and that a woman can sometimes feel insecure. But there is a difference between teaching men to respect boundaries and making them understand that any male initiative is potentially suspect.
The British film "Finding Emily" plays precisely with this ambiguity. Its protagonist believes he is experiencing the beginning of a romantic relationship, but some of his behavior can also be perceived as unsettling. The question then becomes: is he romantic or simply creepy? Most interestingly, director Alicia MacDonald doesn't seem to automatically side with feminists. In an interview, she explains that she wants to bring nuance to these situations and defend the very possibility of romance.
This is probably one of the challenges of modern seduction: maintaining the right to try one's luck without reverting to the era when male persistence was considered proof of love. A man who approaches a woman because he finds her attractive isn't automatically a problem to be solved.
Seduction always involves a degree of social risk. If every clumsy move becomes potentially harassment, many men will end up choosing the simplest solution: not trying at all.
◼ Being a man isn't a problem
The success of the numerous YouTube channels dedicated to contemporary masculinities didn't happen by chance. There's a demand, and it doesn't necessarily come from potential misogynists.
A YouGov survey of more than 35,000 Britons shows that only 6% consider masculinity inherently negative, while 26% consider it positive and 55% neither positive nor negative. Among men, 31% consider it positive. In other words, the majority of Britons simply don't believe that being masculine is a moral problem.
This seems obvious, but after years of talk about "toxic masculinity," some young men have begun to wonder if their own ordinary masculinity is also suspect. A French survey conducted by OpinionWay for Sidaction, presented to the Senate in January 2026, shows that 52% of men surveyed feel that society is "targeting" men, a figure that rises to 59% among 25-34 year olds. The same proportion of men say they no longer know what it means to be a man today.
This feeling is therefore not isolated and partly explains why some young men turn to influencers who talk to them about discipline, sports, success, virility, and self-confidence. Some of this discourse is reasonable, while other aspects are caricatures. The phenomenon deserves to be understood rather than reduced to "the far right is seducing young men."
◼ The Darker Aspects of the Phenomenon
This is also where we must discuss the incel phenomenon, without resorting to caricatures. The term originally referred to people who considered themselves involuntarily single. Research has indeed identified greater loneliness and less social support among some men who define themselves as incels.
The problem begins when this frustration becomes an ideology, with the idea that women are responsible for men's situation and that violence is a legitimate response. At this point, reasonable discussion breaks down, and we must maintain common sense and a sense of ethics.
The issue of male distress is, however, serious enough not to be dismissed.
In France, men account for nearly three-quarters of suicides. The causes are multiple, and it would be absurd to claim that "toxic masculinity" or feminism alone explain this difference. But it's legitimate to wonder whether some men are particularly bad at asking for help when they're struggling, and whether feelings of social, romantic, or professional decline can sometimes exacerbate this isolation.
Therefore, we must be able to discuss these difficulties without transforming every male frustration into proof of misogyny, but also without transforming every male suffering into justification for hatred of women.
◼ What if gender integration didn't yield exactly the expected result?
Since the 1960s, men and women have gradually been freed from many traditional constraints. Overall, this represents a tremendous gain in freedom. Yet, this freedom has a fairly simple consequence: men and women have less need for one another.
A woman can live alone, work, and build a career. A man can do exactly the same. Marriage is no longer an economic necessity, and a relationship is no longer the only way to have a recognized social life. This also means that a relationship must now be a matter of choice rather than necessity.
At the same time, educational paths have begun to diverge. Across the OECD, 54% of women aged 25 to 34 held a higher education degree in 2023, compared to 41% of men. In France, too, significantly more women are obtaining higher education degrees.
This obviously does not mean that women are "taking the place" of men; they still face other professional challenges. However, young men and women no longer necessarily spend their early adult years in the same institutions or with the same priorities.
University is also a place for meeting people, socializing, and forming relationships. If women outnumber men there, it inevitably alters the opportunities for meeting a partner. While social media talks about a "battle of the sexes," statistics reveal something far more mundane: the two sexes are beginning to have different experiences.
This is perhaps where the phenomenon becomes almost amusing.
A single young man potentially has a lot of time on his hands. He can use it to work, go out, play, or exercise. And if he decides to devote that time to weightlifting, the result is fairly easy to measure. A 50-kilo barbell represents a challenge of you against yourself. Sport has become a major arena for male socialization. At the same time, the term "bromance" has entered popular culture to describe particularly close male friendships. Research from the UK and the US shows that some young men are developing a level of emotional intimacy, trust, and affection with their buddies that would have been far harder to display under traditional models of masculinity.
The gym offers a perfect illustration of this. Men spend two hours together admiring their muscles, complimenting each other’s biceps, spotting one another on the bench press, high-fiving, and sometimes discussing personal problems — all without anyone needing to convene a parliamentary committee to determine if this threatens Western masculinity.
This phenomenon reveals something positive: a man today can be highly masculine while also being affectionate with his friends. He can love competition, want to be strong, love women, and love sports, yet still be able to tell his best friend he looks hot or even admit he is going through a rough patch.
Masculinity, then, does not necessarily have to disappear in order to evolve. It can simply become less rigid.
◼ If you’re going to be single, you might as well make the most of it
The concept of the couple isn't dead, but it is no longer mandatory—and that makes a world of difference.
A man of 22 or 25 can now experience several years of singlehood without viewing his life as being "on hold." He can play sports, travel, work, earn money, go out with friends, have a few flings, get rejected, laugh it off, and build something for himself.
Singlehood can be something forced upon you, but it can also be a choice, something accepted, or simply transformed into a period of personal growth. And if a relationship does come along later, it doesn't have to become the absolute center of one's existence. Perhaps true progress lies not in eliminating singlehood, but in doing away with the idea that it is necessarily an anomaly.
That may well be the most interesting aspect of the new masculinity: you can want to be in a relationship without making it your top priority.
You can be virile without being brutal, sensitive without being effeminate, ambitious without being obsessed with dominance, and affectionate with friends without needing to justify yourself. And what about the sexual frustration single men feel? Some might admit that, after all, a porn flick on the computer and a good wank with some dudes make for a pretty solid Friday night. But to each their own!
After all, if for a few years the most stable relationship in your life is the one you have with your gym and three good buddies, it might not be the civilizational failure some commentators predicted — and it’s not bad at all. You might as well start by building a life you actually want to stay in; after all, you’re doing it for yourself.
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